Growing Pains

The journey of parenthood is emotional. I never really understood this, nor did I ever expect to, before Jack was born. Every moment that I spend time with Jack and every day that I get to know him better, the more I fall in love and the stronger those emotions get.

One important way that I have bonded with Jack over the past 6 months is through breastfeeding. While pregnant, I didn't really feel very strongly about breastfeeding. I thought, I'll do it, but if it is too hard or if it doesn't last, then oh well. Nursing Jack, however, went very well right away and has continued to be successful, until recently.

Two weeks ago, when Jack started refusing to nurse, it was surprisingly very difficult for me. I never imagined that I would feel so devastated. It was heartbreaking. I remember a friend of mine telling me about her experience with this around the time that Jack was first born. I also remember not fully understanding why she was so upset. Even now, I really can't put into words the emotional pain I felt over this. I guess it's just one of those things that only a mother knows and experiences. One of many of those things, I'm sure.

I've now tried pretty much everything that I can think of or read about to try to help Jack overcome this; however, we are not progressing much. I still try with him daily, but I'm realizing more and more lately that this is just one of many, many times that Jack will break his mommy's heart simply by growing up and becoming a little bit more independent. And maybe this is a time for me to grow as well, a time for me to learn to let go of this special experience that we had for a while, a pretty long while actually, and realize that the hugs, kisses, laughter, love, and everything in between are the things that really matter the most.